The Spanking Debate in Canada
posted: Jul 2, 06:36 PM
To spank or not to spank. Is it abuse or a reminder of who’s the boss? Is the ability to spank a parental “right”? Is spanking an abuse of adult power? Do those who refrain from spanking “spare the rod and spoil the child”? If we are spanked, do we grow up to spank? Does spanking our child give them a mixed message? The questions in the great spanking debate appear endless.
“Bill S-209, which needs House approval to be made into law, proposes to eliminate Section 43 of Canada’s Criminal Code which gives adults the right to physically discipline children between the ages of two and 12.” There are many in Canada who are not happy with this Bill.
In my world there is no debate. I don’t believe in spanking. I believe all it tells a child is “I’m bigger and more powerful than you.”
I also believe it sends a mixed message. We tell children hands are for helping, not for hurting and not to hit other people. We remind them to use their words when they are angry or frustrated. Then when they do something we don’t like or approve of, poof!, we spank them. What happened to hands are for helping? What happened to using our words?
I know, I know, how do you reason with a 4 year old in a tantrum? Patiently. Quietly. You ask yourself all those parent things, is she tired, hungry, frustrated, thirsty, out of sorts … whatever. You remind yourself you are the adult. You chose to bring this little person into the world. You remove yourself from the room if you can and it’s necessary. You do not resort to expressing your own emotions through swatting the child’s bottom to get their attention; spanking them to reprimand them for their “bad” little kid choice. You wait it out.
I appreciate the frustration engendered by the Quebec court ruling on the father who apparently “didn’t have the right to punish his 12-year-old daughter by barring her from a school trip after he grounded her for risky behaviour — posting pictures of herself on an internet dating service.” This father attempted to provide a natural consequence for his daughter.
Natural consequences for our actions are much better than punishments created at random. I have to question the judge’s wisdom in allowing a twelve year old with such poor judgment to go on a 3 day school trip. I wouldn’t want to be the adult responsible for keeping that child safe.
I’d like to return to the question of spanking. Why is it acceptable to physically discipline a child between the ages of 2 and 12 under Section 43, of Canada’s Criminal Code?
I haven’t a clue why it is acceptable to physically discipline a 2 year old, but not a 23 month, 29 day old child. Nor do I have an understanding of why the day a child turns 13 it is no longer o.k. to spank them. If one believes in spanking are these arbitrary age parameters or is this age range based on some justification/reasoning of which I am not aware.
In closing I will share that I was spanked as a child. I also had my face slapped at 6 for being “impudent”. I still question how a six year old child can be impudent.
I remember as a young adult, on more than one occasion, my mother raising her hand to slap my face. I would catch her wrist and clearly state, you hit me and I will hit you back. (I wouldn’t have, it was a line I would not have crossed, but she finally got the message and stopped the action). My point in sharing this is I had power. I am tall and was an extremely athletic young person. I was not a vulnerable child.
Gemini