The old double standard
posted: Feb 8, 02:02 AM
My life lately would boggle your mind. It certainly boggles mine. That being said, it’s never boring.
School has been a challenging place to be, but despite it’s challenges, or perhaps because of them, I’m really enjoying the new term. I often think I should return to university and pursue a masters in psychology, but if I did I certainly would not want to work as a school psychologist. There is a position which makes mine look like I have a light caseload and time on my hands. Plus, within the current system, it really doesn’t matter how therapeutic or clinical the psychologist may be, it’s difficult to meet the student’s needs.
So, back to what I’ve been thinking about. On Wednesday morning I discovered there are gender equity grants available. I believe activities promoting gender equity would be valuable and worth both the time and effort required to write the grant.
It was a conversation I had with a group of 14 and 15 year old boys on Monday afternoon which got me thinking about how “archaic” the kids’ thinking is around sex and sexuality. I’ve known these boys for the last 3 years and we have a very strong relationship. They are the boys, who, are constantly being sent to my space as they cannot maintain for any length of time in the conventional classroom. They are ring leaders in our school’s behavioral corps, but I really enjoy knowing and teaching them.
To set the stage, it’s last class on Monday and as these boys are all ADHD I’m having great difficulty getting them to focus on math. They want to talk about the activities of some of their female classmates at a party on the weekend. One boy said something along the lines of “Jo Jo is dirty, I didn’t know she’d do stuff like that…” His friend’s response included words like slut and a whore. I wasn’t overly impressed with the way the conversation was going and how the girl and her friend were being described. I asked what words would be used to describe a boy who made similar choices. One of the boys said he’d be called a player. I observed this word had a different connotation to it.
The individual who had used the word player and, I know he is a very “popular” boy within the school, stated he wouldn’t want to be described in this manner. He said “Then none of the girls I like would want to be with me.”
The conversation continued along these lines for some time. One boy asked what the word whore meant, so we went to the dictionary. The definition rather gave the impression a prostitute had to be female, so we then discussed this subject, all of us acknowledging this was not necessarily the case. The boys, who all live in public housing, which really should not be relevant to this discussion, but I believe, unfortunately it is relevant, talked about the pimps they know, how these guys focus on young girls and the girls tend to end up in Toronto or Niagara Falls.
One of the boys explained to the others how the pimps looked for girls who were vulnerable, wanted someone to love them and buy them pretty things and this is why the girls would go out with guys who were so much older than them. This had been another topic of discussion, why a 15 year old girl would date a guy who was in his twenties or thirties. I explained about the age of consent and asked them if they could think of any reason why a guy who was so much older would want to go out with a girl their age. One boy answered “‘Cause he can’t find anyone his own age!”, but the one who explained about the psychology behind successful pimping responded with “…and because he wants her to earn him money!”
These kids are not getting their education about sex from the school system’s PDR curriculum or from responsible adults. They are learning it the hard way through the “school of hard knocks.” I knew all of the girls they were talking about, some have moved on to high school and some are still in junior high.
All I could think of when we were having this discussion was how street wise each of them were, but how much information they still needed to keep them safe. I also thought there was a huge inequity between the genders and it hadn’t changed at all from when I was there age. It was the whole “good” girl vs. “nice” girl scenario, with the “boys will be boys” scenario running parallel but separately. This gives me the cold shivers.
We’re in the 21st century and not a thing has changed since I was a kid! There is one standard for sexual activity if you are a girl and another for boys. Hence, my gender equity grant application.
Gemini