Just when I thought it couldn't get worse...
posted: Oct 18, 06:02 PM
It’s funny what life can throw at us. I don’t mean funny ha ha, I mean funny hard.
Late on last Friday night, my 17 year old nephew was in a car accident. The trauma team at the hospital didn’t know if he would survive. He spend more than 24 hours in an unresponsive state.
When he “woke up” he knew his mother and father, this is part of the good. He’s got such an extensive list of injuries I’m not even going to try and list them. I suspect his head injuries and their long term effects are the ones we are all most worried about.
Then last Tuesday we had a family meeting with my Mother’s doctor and her care team to discuss her next step. We were told that she has a degenerative neurological disorder which has been the cause of her physical degeneration. This has been why she had such difficulty walking, etc. etc.
She can no longer live alone. She needs 24 hour care. She doesn’t want someone with her 24 hours a day.
My Mother is reluctant to investigate her options. One sister has too much on her “plate” and must focus on her son. The other wants my Mother back in her community under her influence. This leaves me to encourage my mother to see a future for herself. Admittedly a different future than what she wants, but a future none the less.
You know the phrase “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”? This is my Mum.
I would like to see her take an active role in planning her next step. She is in procrastination mode. I can understand her wanting to delay…her hope that something will miraculously change…but this is how she has lived the last 15 years of her life. I cannot understand essentially abdicating your life and letting other people control it.
I’ve begun to create a list of possible supports for her, she is appreciative, but that’s about it. She won’t make the phone calls necessary to investigate, assess, plan…and I am unable to go much further in the planning process without knowing what she can afford financially.
I tell her I believe it is important for her to maintain her independence, she nods and agrees. Her care team and I believe she is cognitively capable of making her own decisions. I guess, now we just need a catalyst to get her choosing.
The past week has been consumed with worry about my nephew and concern for my mother. It also has been a week where gratitude has been ever present.
My nephew is doing better than might have been expected, but has months of healing and rehabilitation in front of him. He and his immediate family are at the very early stage of a very, very long journey.
My mother will probably move from the hospital to a safe and supportive living environment. I hope this move will offer her a quality of living she left behind many years ago when she chose to make her home away from Halifax.
I know I and we will find a way to manage all of this stress and anxiety, we have to, there are no alternatives. I just wish…
On a final note, I’ve also been thinking none of us needs to look far to find someone going through tough and challenging “stuff”. My sharing here is just a glimpse of the challenges families experience. I’m not a particularly religious person, in fact, if you asked me I would describe myself as spiritual. But, there is one Bible quote I truly believe in, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” You may be the bright spot in someone’s otherwise miserably sad and scary day.
Gemini