Emotional exhaustion
posted: May 25, 04:27 PM
So, you’ve probably figured out by now that I write rather sporadically. Actually, the reason for this is I’m so tired by the end of a work day I can barely remember my name, never mind write anything which would make any sense to you!
I am hanging on, precariously, until the 27th of June. Our final day of school. I’m afraid to even count how many teaching days remain as I think it may seem too many to manage.
Life has been eventful at my school. Eventful good and eventful bad. The community where our students live has lost several members to violence. Shootings to be clear on the type of violence. Our school’s entrance is now locked, with a buzzer and intercom system. It took fear of reprisals happening within the school to finally acquire this security.
Last week, one of my students who deals with anger management challenges, translated, he doesn’t handle his anger well, told me “I’m going to start hitting teachers soon.” I passed this along to the appropriate people, but I believe he was expressing his anger the only way he knew how. I hope I am correct in this belief! He’s already on a modified schedule due to his behavior.
Another student threatened a child with a knife recently. Happily he decided to throw the knife aside and break the other kid’s nose instead. The writing is on the wall for lunch duty with stories of this nature. The only challenge to this is our staff is small and no one wants to do duty by themselves. This is with good reason. A gang mentality seems to take over at lunch time. Kids have touched teachers inappropriately, thrown snowballs hard with the intention of inflicting pain on the adult and some students are even more verbally abusive outside the school than within its walls. Not all of the students condone this behavior and on one occasion when I was hit by a snowball many of the students who knew me were very angry on my behalf.
Having written this, I wonder how some of the kids feel when they return to school early and have to wait outside. Alternatively, I guess they don’t need to return early, this is an option some of the kids choose in order to enjoy the social interactions lunch presents.
Let me be clear, our school staff addresses inappropriate behavior. The students who make poor choices regarding behavior receive appropriate consequences and education around better choices. This is when one knows who did what. God help anyone who snitches, rats, squeals though…you get the picture. It can be difficult to address certain actions unless you have witnessed the event.
I’m emotionally drained, exhausted, tired out. I am physically drained, exhausted and tired out. I love my job, students and school but I understand why many people leave teaching for safer, gentler, easier professions. I like my July and August break, but I wouldn’t need this stretch if my day to day was not so draining.
I’m tired of adults who think teaching is so easy. I invite them to come and try being a teacher for a couple of days. Forget a week, month or year! Try teaching for a couple of days and then slam me and my “overpaid, under worked, over vacationed” job as a teacher!
I’d say I have just enough energy left to be angry when my profession is disrespected and under valued. Children are our future; don’t they deserve well educated, mature, experienced educators preparing them as the adults of tomorrow?