Debriefing so I can sleep
posted: Jan 8, 11:57 PM
This evening is one of the posts which is more like a journal entry. It has been a challenging day. Actually, a challenging week…
Today, just before 9 a.m. one of my students disclosed information to me which I had both a professional and an ethical responsibility to share with Children’s Aid. I would go further and say it was what any responsible and caring adult needed to do. This didn’t make the phone call any easier.
The student, who may be one of the most resilient and emotionally strong youth I have ever met, was in tears. I’ve never seen this person break down. I’ve seen them be angry and lash out verbally and physically, when probably any other person would be crying, but I’ve never seen this individual cry. This made me want to cry, because I could imagine the stress and anxiety I was causing.
I firmly believe all of us should feel empowered and at least as if we have a semblance of control in our lives. I suggested we make the call together. I made the initial contact with the social worker and then sat with this young person as they discussed the situation with the worker. Given the intense emotions the youth was experiencing it was a very positive experience for them and, incidentally, for me.
The young person left by choice to attend class and I realized I might feel like it was time to go home, but my day had only begun. I also realized I felt much more emotionally raw after this encounter than I was accustomed to feeling. I knew I couldn’t continue with my day if I didn’t “debrief”. I’ve mentioned before how lucky I am in my colleagues. I just needed to say to the principal, I need a peaceful place and someone to listen. This person sat and listened while I shared my intense sadness.
I observed I had felt much more well defended while working in “the field” with youth and couldn’t understand why I felt so sad and I think, helpless. As I was sharing I had one of those break through realizations…when I worked in residential treatment I was expected to deal with disclosures, physical outbursts, emotional melt downs, whatever came along. I mistakenly thought being a teacher meant I would educate, perhaps guide young people towards the better choice. I really didn’t know I would be a teacher/youth worker/surrogate parent/social worker. How naive could I have been? What makes me marvel is the following. How did I manage to forget my many roles since the last disclosure, when I also felt most unprepared emotionally.
Happily, I am resilient. I felt ready to continue with my day after sharing my emotions. This was a good thing as the young person involved did not feel able to maintain in the classroom environment and asked to work in my space. We made a trip to the local coffee place for hot chocolate and coffee and got on with our respective days.
Gemini, who hopes she can sleep now…